I suppose that looking at the title of this post the emotion that is coming through is annoyance. Well...I am slightly annoyed. Not with the pregnancy. On the whole the only major complaint that I have with the pregnancy is the heartburn. Every other symptom that has come with it has be relatively uneventful and as soon as the symptoms are gone, so are the memories of it's annoyance. With that having been said, I'm just overall frustrated with several of the following:
-Moods: I hate the fact that I feel as if I have absolutely no control over my own emotions. I hate that I start crying for absolutely no reason and have no way of stopping myself. I hate that I love my husband so much and yet develop an innate disdain for him over something relatively unimportant. I hate that I can go from laughter to tears in a nanosecond.
-Sleep: I hate that I never feel rested. That I can go to bed at 8:30 and a full 9 hours later still feel as exhausted as if I never went to sleep. I hate the way my hips hurt when I lay on my side--but have no option to turn over. I hate that I lay there awake in the middle of the night staring at the clock as it ticks away each minute while my loving husband snores next to me.
-Clothing: I hate that I have one of the most wonderful wardrobes that I've ever owned and every morning as I walk into my closet I have to by pass all of my favorite items to choose from the one of 5 things that actually fit. I hate that when I put any one of those 5 items on that I still just feel incredibly overweight and not at all pregnant.
-Abnormal: I hate that I feel so abnormal in regards to this whole pregnancy. I'm annoyed with the fact that I don't have that beautiful pregnant lady glow, that I don't feel beautiful. I'm more perplexed than annoyed by the fact that I don't have any weird cravings, I don't have to pee every 10 minutes. I also just feel like I'm lazy rather than enjoying my well deserved rest.
-Fears: I am so frustrated with all of the overwhelming fears that I am experiencing in regards to everything with this pregnancy. I hate that I am terrified to give birth and to be a mother. I'm so sick of the nightmares and the dreams that are so vivid that I question whether or not it actually happened. I'm so terrified to be a bad mother. I'm afraid that I won't be everything that she will need, that I won't know how to care for her and that I won't be prepared.
Much of that last frustration has developed with beginning the process of registering for baby items. Baby's R Us has been kind enough to provide a new parent's checklist on their website. The awful thing about it though is the fact that almost half of the stuff on the list I had no idea I needed or even existed. Additionally, I'm not even sure that I will know how to use the items when I do have them. And then for the things that I do need, how many? How many receiving blankets should we buy? How many spit rags? Should I go ahead and buy diaper rash cream? What baby monitors are best to buy? Should I go by the customer referral or should I depend on the features? Are the sound ones enough or should we get the ones with video capability? What happens if she comes early and we are unprepared? How will I know when I'm going into labor? What do I take to the hospital? How will I know the difference between Braxton Hicks and actual contractions? Should I get an IV? Should I opt for the epidural?
In the process of registering I also encountered the terrifying contraption that is the breast pump. While I have no question that I intend on breastfeeding, the breast pump absolutely terrifies me. Now I've become aware of several options for the pump: the electric, battery powered and the manual hand pump. I have separate and very valid concerns regarding each of the 3. The electric pump concerns me in there not being any suction control. So what happens if it "sucks" harder or faster than I produce. I can't imagine the awful pain that will inflict upon my already sore nipples. Then there is the battery powered...so mid pump the battery just dies...what then? I'm all ready to pump out this milk to feed my child while I'm away and I'm unable to. Then there's the manual pump...just doing that to myself seem so foreign and bizarre. And then what happens if you get a cramp in your hand? Of course I suppose there is always the alternative of having someone else perform the pumping for you but that presents too much of the "milking a cow" phenomenon that weirds me out in the first place. And I am just certain that it will be painful. The whole process I'm sure will just be so painful that it is unbearable.
Oh what other joys and fears I have left to experience in the next 14 weeks we shall see...
P.S.--I've finally kicked the sickness--whatever it was that hung on so miserably long and got worse last week (why I didn't post). Now I have a broken toe--seems like small potatoes but it keeps me from waddling as I normally would and hurts like you wouldn't believe.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Week 24: Worn Out
We have finally finished the move. I say that in an exasperated tone as if 3 days to completely move and unpack is a long time. However these 3 days of 6am starts and 2 am finishes have been brutal. All of the energy that had seemed to arrive with the second trimester is quickly fading, not to mention that I have been battling some sort of illness for the past 2 weeks. Unlike anything I've ever experienced before, each day it decides whether or not it wants to manifest itself and if so which body system it wants to attack. Last week I had 2 days of no voice several other days of stomach issues and a stuffed up head. What is unique is that the days are not consecutive. For example Thursday I had no voice and a painful throat, Friday was stomach issues, Saturday was congestion and head issues but each day the symptoms were completely separate from any of the ones on the other days. Anyway, as a result of all of this my body is exhausted. The long days of moving and the illness is completely unbearable.
On the plus side of things the new place is absolutely fantastic. There are already several items in Michaela's closet and we will begin decorating her room this weekend when we go buy furniture. I can't wait. She moves a lot, but not enough to keep me up at night, as a matter of fact, I haven't been waking nearly as often as before or as I probably expected. It is as if my desire for sleep is more persistent than my desire to relieve my bladder of the pressure. What has become an issue in the past few days though is pain in my hips. Trying to be the good pregnant woman and sleep only on my sides (it has to be sides (plural) because trying to limit my position to left side alone is practically impossible) has led to severe pain in my hips and lower back. Everyone has recommended using the pillow between the legs but that is quite uncomfortable. Also not being able to cuddle with Alex as much has been quite frustrating as well. Everyday I am finding more and more articles of clothing that don't fit or fit just a little too snugly.
The nesting has definitely begun to set in as well. Part of this may be associated with having a fantastic new apartment that I don't want to dirty however, after living there for only 4 days I have already vacuumed 3 times and it drives me crazy to have even one dish in the sink. I can't leave the bedroom with the bed unmade and just the thought of the remote left on the coffee table rather than tucked neatly in the drawer where it belongs is absolutely maddening. Therefore, my current inability to do laundry (our washer is broken) is driving me crazy. Also there are 2 boxes that are yet to be unpacked, both of them containing shoes because we still need to buy the shoe holders (I will be buying them today!) The good thing about all of this though is that Alex seems to be catching my cleaning crazies as well--although at a much lesser degree. He has been diligent about at least putting his clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor and clearing his dishes after dinner. He has also been a huge help with me coping with my recent illness. He was kind enough to run me a nice warm bath last night which I was longing for to soothe my aching body. It was very nice to enjoy the warm water but apparently my body was rejecting all of the heat and I hadn't considered all of the cautionary notes about warm baths and hot tubs, etc. Quickly the bliss of the bath became a bubbly nightmare. My head started spinning and my heart throbbing in my head. Dizzily I stood up and clutched the side of the tub as I started to black out and then proceeded to throw up over and over again. I still feel miserable and can't wait until I can go home and go back to bed especially since today all of the symptoms of whatever this bug is I'm fighting have decided to manifest themselves.
On the plus side of things the new place is absolutely fantastic. There are already several items in Michaela's closet and we will begin decorating her room this weekend when we go buy furniture. I can't wait. She moves a lot, but not enough to keep me up at night, as a matter of fact, I haven't been waking nearly as often as before or as I probably expected. It is as if my desire for sleep is more persistent than my desire to relieve my bladder of the pressure. What has become an issue in the past few days though is pain in my hips. Trying to be the good pregnant woman and sleep only on my sides (it has to be sides (plural) because trying to limit my position to left side alone is practically impossible) has led to severe pain in my hips and lower back. Everyone has recommended using the pillow between the legs but that is quite uncomfortable. Also not being able to cuddle with Alex as much has been quite frustrating as well. Everyday I am finding more and more articles of clothing that don't fit or fit just a little too snugly.
The nesting has definitely begun to set in as well. Part of this may be associated with having a fantastic new apartment that I don't want to dirty however, after living there for only 4 days I have already vacuumed 3 times and it drives me crazy to have even one dish in the sink. I can't leave the bedroom with the bed unmade and just the thought of the remote left on the coffee table rather than tucked neatly in the drawer where it belongs is absolutely maddening. Therefore, my current inability to do laundry (our washer is broken) is driving me crazy. Also there are 2 boxes that are yet to be unpacked, both of them containing shoes because we still need to buy the shoe holders (I will be buying them today!) The good thing about all of this though is that Alex seems to be catching my cleaning crazies as well--although at a much lesser degree. He has been diligent about at least putting his clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor and clearing his dishes after dinner. He has also been a huge help with me coping with my recent illness. He was kind enough to run me a nice warm bath last night which I was longing for to soothe my aching body. It was very nice to enjoy the warm water but apparently my body was rejecting all of the heat and I hadn't considered all of the cautionary notes about warm baths and hot tubs, etc. Quickly the bliss of the bath became a bubbly nightmare. My head started spinning and my heart throbbing in my head. Dizzily I stood up and clutched the side of the tub as I started to black out and then proceeded to throw up over and over again. I still feel miserable and can't wait until I can go home and go back to bed especially since today all of the symptoms of whatever this bug is I'm fighting have decided to manifest themselves.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Week 23: Moving Inside and Out
First I would like to mention our new layout. I felt that it was only fitting to make the page pink in anticipation for our little girl. With that having been said I feel the need to emphasize that I have no intention of forcibly making my child wear pink, nor do I have any intention of overly emphasizing traditional feminine roles. Now all caveats aside...on to my baby!!!
Everyday it brings me more and more joy as I feel her move. Her movements are becoming far more frequent and it is always really exciting. Alex has begun to feel her move as well which is a huge relief for both of us. I know that it has been difficult for him to feel any sense of bonding with her because she hasn't been moving in a way that he could feel her. When she did for the first time the sheer joy that lit up his face was like a kid at Christmas who had just opened that coveted gift that he was sure he wasn't going to get. I was so happy to see him so happy and pleased that there was finally a sense of bonding for him.
I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and everything seems to be going well. I am still gaining weight more quickly than I probably should but my doctor said that as long as I keep exercising and avoiding sugar that I should be fine. The avoidance of sugar--thankfully hasn't been too difficult because overall sweets are currently the least appealing of all foods to me. Also the reason for this avoidance is because of the high risk of gestational diabetes during pregnancy. I have a sugar test next month to determine whether or not this is something that they need to be concerned about. They are also going to do an blood count to check my iron. This concerns me a bit--even though I know that the treatment for low iron will just be iron supplements, I have had a tendency towards lower iron. With little Michaela sucking away all of my iron so that she can form strong muscles, there is a good chance that my iron will be low. While the obvious solution would be to consume more red meat--it is difficult to do so when the meat has to be prepared medium well to well done. Being married to a carnivorous rare meat eater, I have come to enjoy a bit of blood in my meat which hasn't been possible and therefore has led to a lack of desire for red meat.
All of the joys of the second trimester have also been in full force. Notably the increased energy and decreased illness. The heartburn however, is something that I don't see departing in the near future. Even in my efforts to avoid foods that have the potential to cause that burn it seems that something always causes it. Additionally, sleeping has become increasingly more difficult. As I grow larger I am finding it more and more difficult to find comfortable sleeping positions. All of the recommended pillow positions have become more of a hassle than help and also prevent me and my hubby from cuddling. By the end of the day when I am completely worn out, the desire for sleep is so overwhelming that the inability to do so is devastating.
Now that last line was probably a bit confusing...seeing as how I said the fatigue had improved and yet at the end of the day I am so fatigued that I can barely reach the bed. You see this is where the moving "out" part comes into play. As I have mentioned in a few of my previous posts we have been trying to buy a house. Well...we're moving...but not to the house. In a long scenario of utter frustration our lending company decided to pull our loan 2 days before closing and so we are off to another apartment. Initially I was quite discouraged about this situation and discontented by the fact that we wouldn't have a yard or space to raise our child, but then we found the most beautiful of all (reasonably priced) apartments in the St. Louis area. I am pleased with our new residence which boasts 300 sq. feet more than the house we were going to buy. Not to mention that it is a first floor apartment meaning--NO STAIRS and has been fully updated. The packing and moving process however has been exhausting. I am finding it difficult to comprehend just how we acquired so much stuff. It seems like the more we pack, the more we find. Not to mention how completely useless I feel and incapable because I can pack a box, but then I can't move it!!! Little Kayla and I are exhausted but once we finish with the move we can start decorating her room!!!
Everyday it brings me more and more joy as I feel her move. Her movements are becoming far more frequent and it is always really exciting. Alex has begun to feel her move as well which is a huge relief for both of us. I know that it has been difficult for him to feel any sense of bonding with her because she hasn't been moving in a way that he could feel her. When she did for the first time the sheer joy that lit up his face was like a kid at Christmas who had just opened that coveted gift that he was sure he wasn't going to get. I was so happy to see him so happy and pleased that there was finally a sense of bonding for him.
I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and everything seems to be going well. I am still gaining weight more quickly than I probably should but my doctor said that as long as I keep exercising and avoiding sugar that I should be fine. The avoidance of sugar--thankfully hasn't been too difficult because overall sweets are currently the least appealing of all foods to me. Also the reason for this avoidance is because of the high risk of gestational diabetes during pregnancy. I have a sugar test next month to determine whether or not this is something that they need to be concerned about. They are also going to do an blood count to check my iron. This concerns me a bit--even though I know that the treatment for low iron will just be iron supplements, I have had a tendency towards lower iron. With little Michaela sucking away all of my iron so that she can form strong muscles, there is a good chance that my iron will be low. While the obvious solution would be to consume more red meat--it is difficult to do so when the meat has to be prepared medium well to well done. Being married to a carnivorous rare meat eater, I have come to enjoy a bit of blood in my meat which hasn't been possible and therefore has led to a lack of desire for red meat.
All of the joys of the second trimester have also been in full force. Notably the increased energy and decreased illness. The heartburn however, is something that I don't see departing in the near future. Even in my efforts to avoid foods that have the potential to cause that burn it seems that something always causes it. Additionally, sleeping has become increasingly more difficult. As I grow larger I am finding it more and more difficult to find comfortable sleeping positions. All of the recommended pillow positions have become more of a hassle than help and also prevent me and my hubby from cuddling. By the end of the day when I am completely worn out, the desire for sleep is so overwhelming that the inability to do so is devastating.
Now that last line was probably a bit confusing...seeing as how I said the fatigue had improved and yet at the end of the day I am so fatigued that I can barely reach the bed. You see this is where the moving "out" part comes into play. As I have mentioned in a few of my previous posts we have been trying to buy a house. Well...we're moving...but not to the house. In a long scenario of utter frustration our lending company decided to pull our loan 2 days before closing and so we are off to another apartment. Initially I was quite discouraged about this situation and discontented by the fact that we wouldn't have a yard or space to raise our child, but then we found the most beautiful of all (reasonably priced) apartments in the St. Louis area. I am pleased with our new residence which boasts 300 sq. feet more than the house we were going to buy. Not to mention that it is a first floor apartment meaning--NO STAIRS and has been fully updated. The packing and moving process however has been exhausting. I am finding it difficult to comprehend just how we acquired so much stuff. It seems like the more we pack, the more we find. Not to mention how completely useless I feel and incapable because I can pack a box, but then I can't move it!!! Little Kayla and I are exhausted but once we finish with the move we can start decorating her room!!!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Week 22: Changes
Ok so first let me mention that I was certain I posted something for week 21--but apparently it slipped my mind. With that having been said, let me fill you in on what has been going on.
Michaela has been moving all the time which is absolutely wonderful. Every time she moves it is a wonderful little reminder of how special it is to have this little life growing inside of me. Alex still is having trouble feeling her mostly because every time that I tell him she is kicking, she stops when he puts his hand on my stomach. I feel pretty good in general too. The fatigue has improved a million times. I have actually been up until 11 or later 3 times this week. This is quite an accomplishment from my previous 8 o'clock bed times. Of course that might have something to do with the fact that I wake up 2 hours later...nevertheless it feels nice to not have to kick out house guests so that I can go to sleep.
In other news life has been super busy. Our closing date on our house has moved until January 5th which if you will look at your calendar is a mere 3 days away. The process involves so much more than anyone will ever tell you and is more physically and mentally exhausting that you could ever imagine. Especially when it comes to the waiting for the final approval. And the process is about to get even more exhausting. You see, we haven't even started packing yet. This is actually a very strategic move. My reasoning for this statement is that if by some chance this deal doesn't go through, I wouldn't have wanted to waste all of that effort. (Plus I just can't bring myself to face that daunting task!)
All of the winter holidays have also added to the stress of the recent weeks, not that I haven't enjoyed almost every minute of them but the rushing and traveling and marathon Christmas's have been tiring at best. It was fun to have everyone doting over how my stomach has grown and to receive presents even for our unborn daughter. I also registered for my childbirth classes today. This experience was most excellent. Far more exciting than I ever anticipated. Our classes start on March 5th and should be wrapping up just 2 weeks before our due date. This was really exciting. Just knowing that it is getting close to the time for our beautiful little daughter to be here is absolutely wonderful. Of course I am aware that the next few months mean even more stress and rushing--oh well I am sure that I will survive.
Michaela has been moving all the time which is absolutely wonderful. Every time she moves it is a wonderful little reminder of how special it is to have this little life growing inside of me. Alex still is having trouble feeling her mostly because every time that I tell him she is kicking, she stops when he puts his hand on my stomach. I feel pretty good in general too. The fatigue has improved a million times. I have actually been up until 11 or later 3 times this week. This is quite an accomplishment from my previous 8 o'clock bed times. Of course that might have something to do with the fact that I wake up 2 hours later...nevertheless it feels nice to not have to kick out house guests so that I can go to sleep.
In other news life has been super busy. Our closing date on our house has moved until January 5th which if you will look at your calendar is a mere 3 days away. The process involves so much more than anyone will ever tell you and is more physically and mentally exhausting that you could ever imagine. Especially when it comes to the waiting for the final approval. And the process is about to get even more exhausting. You see, we haven't even started packing yet. This is actually a very strategic move. My reasoning for this statement is that if by some chance this deal doesn't go through, I wouldn't have wanted to waste all of that effort. (Plus I just can't bring myself to face that daunting task!)
All of the winter holidays have also added to the stress of the recent weeks, not that I haven't enjoyed almost every minute of them but the rushing and traveling and marathon Christmas's have been tiring at best. It was fun to have everyone doting over how my stomach has grown and to receive presents even for our unborn daughter. I also registered for my childbirth classes today. This experience was most excellent. Far more exciting than I ever anticipated. Our classes start on March 5th and should be wrapping up just 2 weeks before our due date. This was really exciting. Just knowing that it is getting close to the time for our beautiful little daughter to be here is absolutely wonderful. Of course I am aware that the next few months mean even more stress and rushing--oh well I am sure that I will survive.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Week 20: Nightmares!!!
So while it seems pretty natural and normal to have nightmares in regards to any large life changing event the dreams associated with pregnancy have been overall pretty bizarre. And while I was coping fairly well with the bizarre dreams the horrifying nightmares have been slightly debilitating. At this point I think it is also necessary to note that I am fairly superstitious when it comes to dreams. I feel that dreams have certain predictive power--which may have been noted in previous posts about predicting the sex of the baby. This one dream in particular had me devastated.
You see last night was when this dream happened. I dreamt that Michaela was born as a still birth and as I was laying there holding her I was weeping just uncontrollably. This morning when I woke up I was hysterical. I was completely terrified that my baby had died during the night. As I sat there weeping and hysterically gasping for breath, I was pleading with God to feel her kick, just for some assurance that she was still alive. For a few moments I sat there clutching my ever protruding stomach begging to feel movement. When I finally did it was a phenomenal sense of relief. And I must take a moment to note how amazing Alex was in regards to all of this. As he sat there--already running late for work--just holding me and consoling me as a means of reassurance that it was just a dream and our baby was fine and healthy. I just must thank God for his answers to prayer and for the sacrificial love of a husband.
You see last night was when this dream happened. I dreamt that Michaela was born as a still birth and as I was laying there holding her I was weeping just uncontrollably. This morning when I woke up I was hysterical. I was completely terrified that my baby had died during the night. As I sat there weeping and hysterically gasping for breath, I was pleading with God to feel her kick, just for some assurance that she was still alive. For a few moments I sat there clutching my ever protruding stomach begging to feel movement. When I finally did it was a phenomenal sense of relief. And I must take a moment to note how amazing Alex was in regards to all of this. As he sat there--already running late for work--just holding me and consoling me as a means of reassurance that it was just a dream and our baby was fine and healthy. I just must thank God for his answers to prayer and for the sacrificial love of a husband.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Week 19: Peanut has a Name
So we found out on Monday that our lovely little Peanut no longer requires the androgyny of "Peanut" for a name. She is now Michaela. It is so wonderful to be able to call her a her rather than an it or baby or peanut. I have really started to feel her move more though it comes in spurts. Some days I feel like there is an epileptic fish in my stomach and other days wonder if the baby I saw on the monitor was actually mine. For the most part I am fairing pretty well. The fatigue is still ever present but not as daunting as a few weeks ago. I don't get sick as often from foods and the morning sickness is pretty much completely gone--with the exception of a few Mondays which may be a psychological manifestation of the sensation of illness as an aversion to work--the most likely explanation.
With everything that is going on lately I wonder how I am ever going to be able to handle a baby when I crumble the way I do under this pressure. I know I've mentioned it before but I cry all the time. I have finally finished this semester and I was thinking that would be a relief to not have to worry about classes but Christmas--as excited as I am about it, is really stressing me out this year. I know we still have a week but there are presents that aren't finished or purchased yet that are really worrying me. I mean I know we will have all of them on time but I just don't feel like there is enough time to take care of them all. As if that is not enough to worry about, we are trying to buy this house. And in all of our expert planning we decided that we should try and close before the end of the year which means not only do we have to finish purchasing and wrapping Christmas presents we also have to get inspections and insurance and appraisals and everything else done so that we can close on the 28th like we want to. That also means that the week of Christmas I am going to be packing all week. Let me also mention--I hate moving!! In the past 2 years I have moved 8 times and during all of those moves I have some how managed to just keep acquiring more and more stuff. Moving used to be easy 2 black trash bags and a suitcase and everything I owned was by my side. Now there is furniture and dishes and appliances and just the thought of moving it all--especially while being pregnant is absolutely overwhelming. And it isn't so much about doing the work. It is much more about not doing the work. Seeing as how I am pregnant there won't be any actual moving for me to do. With everyone so excited about Michaela on her way if I even think about lifting a laundry basket and "risking the health of that baby" I will certainly never hear the end of it. Now for most people I'm sure this would be a good thing...right? Not having to do any of the work. But for me this is the point of utter insanity. You see if I can't do anything, I can't assure that it is getting done the way that I want it to. But alas--I suppose Michaela and I will just have to sit back and supervise.
With everything that is going on lately I wonder how I am ever going to be able to handle a baby when I crumble the way I do under this pressure. I know I've mentioned it before but I cry all the time. I have finally finished this semester and I was thinking that would be a relief to not have to worry about classes but Christmas--as excited as I am about it, is really stressing me out this year. I know we still have a week but there are presents that aren't finished or purchased yet that are really worrying me. I mean I know we will have all of them on time but I just don't feel like there is enough time to take care of them all. As if that is not enough to worry about, we are trying to buy this house. And in all of our expert planning we decided that we should try and close before the end of the year which means not only do we have to finish purchasing and wrapping Christmas presents we also have to get inspections and insurance and appraisals and everything else done so that we can close on the 28th like we want to. That also means that the week of Christmas I am going to be packing all week. Let me also mention--I hate moving!! In the past 2 years I have moved 8 times and during all of those moves I have some how managed to just keep acquiring more and more stuff. Moving used to be easy 2 black trash bags and a suitcase and everything I owned was by my side. Now there is furniture and dishes and appliances and just the thought of moving it all--especially while being pregnant is absolutely overwhelming. And it isn't so much about doing the work. It is much more about not doing the work. Seeing as how I am pregnant there won't be any actual moving for me to do. With everyone so excited about Michaela on her way if I even think about lifting a laundry basket and "risking the health of that baby" I will certainly never hear the end of it. Now for most people I'm sure this would be a good thing...right? Not having to do any of the work. But for me this is the point of utter insanity. You see if I can't do anything, I can't assure that it is getting done the way that I want it to. But alas--I suppose Michaela and I will just have to sit back and supervise.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Week 18: Ok...NOW I feel pregnant...
So first of all I would like to apologize for missing a week but in all fairness--life is insane right now. OK, so now that apologies are out of the way let's get to the important stuff.
So I eluded to the fact that life has been insane and I think that in every possible way I have understated that point. Pregnancy is really hitting me full force. As I was getting dressed in the bathroom the other day I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that there is now a fairly sizable bulge where my stomach used to be. Anxiety about feeling fat is slowly fading as I realize that I am looking more pregnant daily. And I got my first real comment on my "pregnant belly" earlier this week. I really don't feel as if it is quite noticeable yet and granted the woman who made the comment did know that I was pregnant but it felt nice to know that I might not look fat but that I do in fact have this wonderful life growing inside of me.
Alex and I have taken to affectionately referring to our child as "Peanut." We do this because we don't yet know the sex of the baby and Peanut seems to satisfy the necessary androgyny where as not to inflict any unnecessary trauma or gender association on our oh so fragile unborn child. And though we are content in our ignorance until our next ultrasound, everyone else seems to have some inclination or preference as to the sex. My mother is insistent that Peanut is a girl. Her reasons for thinking this way are of course resulting from the utmost of scientific reasoning... We have decided that if Peanut is a girl that her name will be Michaela--the scientific reasoning that has resulted in the assurance of the double X chromosome is her frequent contact with women named Michaela. Of course then there is the running poll that my co-workers have started as to whether Peanut is a boy, girl or alien. And then there is the feeling. Now up until this point I have had no indications one way or another. Alex and I have both had a certain preference but were content with the sex of the baby going either way. But something strange happened this morning.
You see one of the lesser known side-effects of pregnancy are the vivid dreams that fill your sleep. As a result of these bizarre dreams Alex and I have gotten into the habit of exchanging dreams in the morning--him knowing that bizarre nature of my dreams will certainly put his to shame. But among all of my unnaturally weird dreams last night I had one that was fairly normal...I had a dream that we had gone for our ultrasound and the doctor told us that we were having a boy. Now this apparently is a fairly common dream among pregnant women, however as I was recounting the details to my wonderful husband I watched his mouth grow progressively wider as he told me he had the same dream. In addition, my boss--who purports to be somewhat of an authority on predicting the sex of unborn children strolls up to my desk and writes 3 little letters on my notepad B-O-Y. Of course we are well aware of the sheer coincidental possibility of this all but it is still pretty incredible.
At this point, if I have still held any readers captive amongst all of my wordiness, I suppose I should get at what has happened that is so significant to make me feel pregnant. I am quite certain that I felt Peanut kick last night!!! I was beginning to feel that perhaps my ever increasing mid section was in fact bad indigestion and alien formation until that moment. And I am still unsure as to whether what I felt was indeed a kick or rather a psychological desire manifested with such strength to produce a physical sensation. At either rate it gave me the satisfaction that my baby is alive and kicking (no pun intended--or maybe it was intended a little). Of course Alex has felt quite left out, not realizing that I would be feeling the movement of Peanut long before he would be able to with his hand on my stomach--but his excitement was no less.
Food cravings have hit me full force and at the forefront of them all is chili. I know it sounds strange but I cannot get enough of it. Not to mention, it affords me the opportunity to dump as much hot sauce as possible into the bowl--another quite pressing craving. Of course since these cravings are not exactly the most gentle on the stomach sleeping has been a luxury. The indigestion is so intense that I feel as if I will be minus one esophagus by morning. Not to mention the paranoia that if I sleep on my back that Peanut will not receive the necessary blood flow and will ultimately die, or that I will crush him/her with my body if I happen to find myself on my stomach. I know that God has His hand on our delicate little Peanut but I can't help but feel terrified that I might crush God's hand as I roll over too...
So I eluded to the fact that life has been insane and I think that in every possible way I have understated that point. Pregnancy is really hitting me full force. As I was getting dressed in the bathroom the other day I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized that there is now a fairly sizable bulge where my stomach used to be. Anxiety about feeling fat is slowly fading as I realize that I am looking more pregnant daily. And I got my first real comment on my "pregnant belly" earlier this week. I really don't feel as if it is quite noticeable yet and granted the woman who made the comment did know that I was pregnant but it felt nice to know that I might not look fat but that I do in fact have this wonderful life growing inside of me.
Alex and I have taken to affectionately referring to our child as "Peanut." We do this because we don't yet know the sex of the baby and Peanut seems to satisfy the necessary androgyny where as not to inflict any unnecessary trauma or gender association on our oh so fragile unborn child. And though we are content in our ignorance until our next ultrasound, everyone else seems to have some inclination or preference as to the sex. My mother is insistent that Peanut is a girl. Her reasons for thinking this way are of course resulting from the utmost of scientific reasoning... We have decided that if Peanut is a girl that her name will be Michaela--the scientific reasoning that has resulted in the assurance of the double X chromosome is her frequent contact with women named Michaela. Of course then there is the running poll that my co-workers have started as to whether Peanut is a boy, girl or alien. And then there is the feeling. Now up until this point I have had no indications one way or another. Alex and I have both had a certain preference but were content with the sex of the baby going either way. But something strange happened this morning.
You see one of the lesser known side-effects of pregnancy are the vivid dreams that fill your sleep. As a result of these bizarre dreams Alex and I have gotten into the habit of exchanging dreams in the morning--him knowing that bizarre nature of my dreams will certainly put his to shame. But among all of my unnaturally weird dreams last night I had one that was fairly normal...I had a dream that we had gone for our ultrasound and the doctor told us that we were having a boy. Now this apparently is a fairly common dream among pregnant women, however as I was recounting the details to my wonderful husband I watched his mouth grow progressively wider as he told me he had the same dream. In addition, my boss--who purports to be somewhat of an authority on predicting the sex of unborn children strolls up to my desk and writes 3 little letters on my notepad B-O-Y. Of course we are well aware of the sheer coincidental possibility of this all but it is still pretty incredible.
At this point, if I have still held any readers captive amongst all of my wordiness, I suppose I should get at what has happened that is so significant to make me feel pregnant. I am quite certain that I felt Peanut kick last night!!! I was beginning to feel that perhaps my ever increasing mid section was in fact bad indigestion and alien formation until that moment. And I am still unsure as to whether what I felt was indeed a kick or rather a psychological desire manifested with such strength to produce a physical sensation. At either rate it gave me the satisfaction that my baby is alive and kicking (no pun intended--or maybe it was intended a little). Of course Alex has felt quite left out, not realizing that I would be feeling the movement of Peanut long before he would be able to with his hand on my stomach--but his excitement was no less.
Food cravings have hit me full force and at the forefront of them all is chili. I know it sounds strange but I cannot get enough of it. Not to mention, it affords me the opportunity to dump as much hot sauce as possible into the bowl--another quite pressing craving. Of course since these cravings are not exactly the most gentle on the stomach sleeping has been a luxury. The indigestion is so intense that I feel as if I will be minus one esophagus by morning. Not to mention the paranoia that if I sleep on my back that Peanut will not receive the necessary blood flow and will ultimately die, or that I will crush him/her with my body if I happen to find myself on my stomach. I know that God has His hand on our delicate little Peanut but I can't help but feel terrified that I might crush God's hand as I roll over too...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
