Teaching the Teacher

One of my roles in youth ministry is to lead a small group for middle school girls.  Our small group meets on Wednesday evenings, and early this week I was thinking about the girls in my group and thinking about the concept of beauty.  Before I even had looked over the materials for what I was to cover this week, I started thinking about our society and the messages of beauty that we convey to our young people.  

In nature, specifically with birds, the male is always the more attractive bird, by comparison.  This is because the males know they cannot reproduce on their own and need to attract a mate.  The males are often more brightly colored, and get very “puffed” up, sing mating songs and try to attract the female.  When I think of humans, it’s completely different.  Somewhere there was a breakdown.  Everywhere I go, even to pick up my daughter from school, I see women utilizing every “tool” at their disposal to garner the attention of men.  The necklines plunge lower, the hemlines creep higher, the makeup gets thicker, salon fees go up.  What has happened?  When did we as women devalue ourselves so deeply that we will physically give ourselves away for the sake of acceptance??  

I was musing over these thoughts when I sat down to prepare for our lesson, which was on the topic of “Who I am NOT.”  The lesson spoke to the girls about how God doesn’t want us to strive to win the approval of people, but of Him.  Even as adults, this is such a poignant message.  I think specifically adult women and their handbags.  I could never rationalize spending several hundred dollars on a designer bag.  This is not something that I see the value in.  Largely because I change my mind and opinion so often, I wouldn’t be content to carry the bag long enough to “get my money’s worth” (which in my opinion would be something like 10 years!)  Yet, I look around at these women (and even teenage girls) carrying Coach purses and I scratch my head.  In most cases these bags are not exceptionally attractive, or more so than a bag that could be purchased for a fraction of the cost.  I have to assume it’s a position of acceptance.  Whether or not this is a conscious mentality is of little consequence.  The fact is that somewhere along the lines someone somehow conveyed the message that “you’re better if you carry a designer bag.”  

As I was preparing and sharing this message with the girls in my group, and thinking about the verse in 1 Samuel 16:7 that says, “The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them.  People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  This got me thinking about my own insecurities and the messages that I share.  Even before we left for church on Wednesday, both of my girls had fallen to tears because they didn’t think they looked “cute” enough in what they were wearing.  They were worried that their friends would think it was “ugly.”  Again, I stood aghast because the messages that they have been lead to believe are that appearance is everything.  My heart ached, and I wondered how much of that I was at fault for.  As someone in the fitness industry a tremendous amount of attention is given to physical appearance.  Every gym in the country focuses on looking better.  The focus of fitness should be health, not appearance, but the fact is that we’re lead to believe that health is secondary.  I like to try and convince myself that is my motivation, and initially it was, but now, when my nutrition falls off, or  I start to slack on my workouts, it’s always the reflection in the mirror that gets me back on track, not some health effects. 

How different would things be if I actually followed this message that I tried to convey to my students—finding our beauty and value in God?  This is something that I’ve struggled with a lot.  I’ve done a few Bible studies that have focused on this.  I’ve attended several seminars, I’ve shared this message with young girls for as long as I can remember, but it’s still a struggle.   Maybe it’s because this message wasn’t shared with me until I was an adult.  As a child I was always overweight, which is part of my obsessive focus on my weight, but as an overweight child I was always receiving the message that I was less valuable.  Boys would act disgusted if they found out that I liked them.  Girls would make fun of my adult clothes that I had to wear because when I was growing up, there weren’t child plus sized clothing.  The point is that I had already been so indoctrinated with the messages that if you aren’t thin and pretty, you aren’t worthwhile, that as an adult, hearing messages counter to that were difficult to believe and accept.  I think this emphasizes the importance of teaching our young people, especially girls, to know their value in Christ.  To share this message young, and often to ensure that they internalize it, believe it and carry it though their lives.  It’s equally as important to teach our young boys that a girl is more than her appearance and how to treat them with respect.  Maybe at some point, we can shift this attitude and mentality to have the self confidence to keep our bodies covered and our self-esteem high.