Week 16--Mood Swings and Mothers

I think it's strange that no matter how much you have heard and prepare through all of the countless mothering and pregnancy books and magazines that you read that you are never fully prepared for the emotional roller coaster that your hormones will take you on. I know that over the last 15 weeks I have experienced the radical emotions that come with pregnancy but I don't think that I really realized the irrationality until the last few days.

Now I think that it is necessary to elaborate on the extent of the range and spontaneity of these emotions. For example every Monday night without fail, I have to go to class and every Monday without fail, Alex is off of work and yet this Monday parting from him to go to class was so distressing that I burst into tears. As if that weren't bad enough, I cry at EVERY song on the radio...now I'm sure you are probably thinking that is an exaggeration but literally every song makes me cry--either because it is so sweet that I cry from happiness, or that it is so sad that I can't contain the tears welling up in my eyes. But the emotions aren't limited to crying--not by any means. On the other side I am so overwhelmingly excited about Christmas and everything Christmas related that I already have our house fully decorated and nearly half of our presents purchased. And anything even slightly Christmas related makes me feel like I am going to burst with excitement.

Well, all of these emotions have led to an unnatural attachment to my mother. I know that women often reconnect with their mothers when they get pregnant but if I don't talk to my mom at least twice each day I really feel like something is missing from my day. Not to mention that for the last several weeks I have spent nearly every Saturday with her and actually hate to see her leave. Plus it helps to know that she is so supportive and despite her constant claims that she is unhappy about the pregnancy being so soon she is so excited to be a grandma which is such a huge relief.

Of course at this point when I realize that I am nearly half-way through my pregnancy the fear has really started to set in. I think about how irresponsible I can be with certain things and I am afraid that I will not be responsible enough to care for someone who is so totally dependent upon me. And at the same time I can't wait to have this wonderful little bundle of joy here to care for and give all of my love and attention to. The anxiousness for our wonderful little baby has let me to dote upon everyone else's children. Again, I feel that it is necessary to elaborate upon that last statement. You see I have frequently found myself in situations with an abundance of women such as craft fairs well, women have babies--babies which I feel the necessity to talk to and play with and tell how cute they are--and I'm talking EVERY BABY! I suppose this may just be the preparation process...