Week 40: Where is my baby???

So I was due yesterday and here I am still pregnant. I know that due dates are only and estimate but I am just really wanting to meet my baby girl. I'm cranky and way past miserable and every little twinge I am holding my breath that it turns into a contraction. I know that no matter what I will definitely be having this baby by Thursday (being induced on Wednesday) but the whole thought of induction really freaks me out.

I know that there are tons of women who are induced and still have healthy deliveries without the necessity of any intervention but there are also the other statistics...

30% of all inductions result in c-sections!!!

I know that there are also tons of women who have c-sections and are fine with healthy babies but again, I am afraid of a c-section. I just feel like if I am induced it could be forcing something that my body isn't ready for, but at the same time, if I wait it may result in this child just continuing to grow and being too large for me to deliver which could result in a c-section again. Induction can also put a lot of stress on the baby. I just don't want to pump my body and hers full of drugs to get her to come out, especially since I've heard that it is practically impossible to deliver after an induction without an epidural and I would really like to try and do it naturally. It is so funny how none of these things had really ever occurred to me before I got pregnant. I mean understandably so, why consume your thoughts with what decisions you'll make when you happen to be pregnant if you aren't? But what is so bizarre to me is the fact that this is all that I can think about. Honestly, I don't think a single day goes by that I don't think about when I might go into labor or what it will feel like? Whether or not I will be able to handle the pain without an epidural and how long it will take?

I think at this point the hardest part is just waiting. I get really anxious every time Alex leaves for fear that I will go into labor while he is gone. I know that very rarely does labor progress so quickly that he couldn't make it back in time but I don't want to be alone when it happens. All day I pray that nothing happens until I get home and he is there with me and then I pray all night that I will start having contractions. I never thought that I would actually be praying for pain--but here I am, every night I pray that I will go into labor before the morning. I know that everything will happen on God's timing but at this point I feel like all of the doctors are saying she's ready, I'm ready, and it should just happen. It is especially frustrating because everyone had anticipated that I would deliver early and now here I am "past due."

I'm just going crazy because everything is ready. The car seat is in the car, the bag is packed, the nursery is ready and the only thing missing is Michaela. It just feels so empty and I don't know when it will feel right or feel complete and I am going crazy with the unknown. It just feels like nothing has progressed. I know that I don't know whether or not I have dilated any further or whether or not she has dropped any further into position but it just doesn't feel like anything has changed. It still feels like she is high, I haven't been having any regular contractions and I feel like I don't know what to do.

I have been reading up on acupressure and reflexology and how those can be used to encourage labor. We have tried some of the pressure point and massage techniques but my hands and fee are so swollen that we can't apply enough pressure to the points. I mean I get big indents in my legs where the water pockets have been pushed aside but it still doesn't result in any contractions or labor progression. I guess she just really isn't ready to come out yet. Oh well--I will just have to wait.