Week 41: *Gasp* I'm going to be a MOM!!!

Ok, so my stubborn little child has not yet made her appearance. She has pretended like she was ready a few times only to laugh at me when we finally got to the hospital.

So here I am a mere hours before my scheduled induction and I'm slightly terrified. The whole thought that I'm going to be a mom in less than 2 days is overwhelming. I think it was easier to deal with the idea that she could come at anytime but having a more definite point to focus on has just made me freak out more. I have felt all along that I was ready with the nursery and all and then today I am struck with an overwhelming feeling of unpreparedness. This morning I woke up early to spend some time with Alex before he left for work. I quickly became consumed by all of the little household chores that needed to be done and decided that I would leave work at 2:30 to have some time to finish up everything at a decent time tonight and still try and get a good night's sleep--from what I hear will be my last for a very long time. Having finally made it home I am quite frustrated with myself for going to work at all. My mind was all over the place and I did my absolute best to try and focus on my work and keep myself busy but as a result I wasn't able to leave until 4. This put me home considerably later than anticipated and as a result has completely drained any drive to accomplish the necessary tasks of this evening. I know they all must be completed before tomorrow but I am encountering much difficulty in finding the motivation to do so.

I am freaked out. I don't really know how else to put that. There is so much to think about and so much on my mind. So here is the low down on what is supposed to happen tomorrow. At 6:30 am, I am supposed to call and make sure that everything is still good for me to come in at 7:30. As long as everything is still the way it is supposed to be I will then go to the hospital. After about 30 minutes of prepping me and watching what my body is doing on its own, they will start the Cervadel. This is supposedly a small piece of fabric that has a time release of medication to ripen my cervix. This is designed to slowly release for 12 hours. After those 12 hours if I am making progress as I should, they will start the Pitocin to increase the frequency and intensity of my contractions. My doctor says that she anticipates that I won't actually deliver until some time on Thursday. This means a minimum of 18 hours of labor. That is a bit of a daunting forecast. Also, I'm stressed!

You see, I work with my mom in a small office and we are the only two in the office so I will obviously be out of the office tomorrow which can prevent her from being there with me. So I'm hoping that by some chance I don't actually deliver until late tomorrow evening or later in the day on Thursday. I'm sure that it is infrequent that you hear a woman ask for her labor to be long, but I just don't want my mom to miss it. It is her first grandchild and I just want my mom to be there for the delivery. Let me clarify that by the way--there at the hospital, NOT there in the room. Alex will be there the whole time and that is truly what is most important but I just can't imagine my mom not being there. I guess I just have to rely on God because these next few days are bound to be difficult!!