Throw Back Thursday

There's been a trend on Facebook lately, (and it's probably an Instagram thing, but I'm really not organized enough to maintain 2 social media sites) to post an old photo on Thursdays.  I've rather enjoyed seeing many of my friend's posts.  Childhood friends are especially enjoyable to see because largely, that's how I remember them--neck deep in the sandbox, not toting a toddler on each hip!

This morning I've seen several and I was thinking about some special time that I spent with my miniest me a few days ago.  You see, we have a small wedding album that sits on a low shelf in our living room.  She loves to flip through it, almost daily.  It was Tuesday afternoon, and I heard her in the living room, flipping through the album, narrating to her doll "Awilla" who everyone in the photos were.  Since these photos are just the snap shots taken by some family members, I asked her if she wanted to see some more pictures from our wedding, and I pulled out the professional ones.

As I flipped thorough each and every photograph, something beautiful happened--I remembered how it felt to love my husband like I did that day, and I started to cry.  Our relationship hasn't been ideal lately.  We've both made a lot of stupid mistakes.  Other people have been allowed to play a far to active role in a very personal scenario, and it's caused distance.  It has caused anger.  It has caused hurt and separation.  It has inhibited the ability to love each other.

Of course, over the years, life gets in the way of the "honeymoon" phase.  Kids demand way too much attention, jobs and finances take priorities and sometimes it becomes impossible to even be able to share a meal and enjoy the presence of each other without talking about the state of the bills, bank account or behavioral issues with the kids.  These kinds of things quickly steal the romance.

As I flipped through these photographs and through my mind echoed the sweet sentiment of a friend of the "sweet spirit" that was present on our wedding day, suddenly it all came back to me.  It had been so long since I'd really looked at my wedding photos.  Sure, there are some that hang on the walls, or are artfully displayed around my home, but I hadn't really looked at them for probably 2 years or more.  My heart finally felt an emotion that I'd been lacking for months.  A sensitivity toward my husband as I saw his longing, loving looks in the photos, the same looks he gives me now, despite how hateful I have become.  I felt that tenderness again.  I felt that love again.  I finally felt some hope again.