So while it seems pretty natural and normal to have nightmares in regards to any large life changing event the dreams associated with pregnancy have been overall pretty bizarre. And while I was coping fairly well with the bizarre dreams the horrifying nightmares have been slightly debilitating. At this point I think it is also necessary to note that I am fairly superstitious when it comes to dreams. I feel that dreams have certain predictive power--which may have been noted in previous posts about predicting the sex of the baby. This one dream in particular had me devastated.
You see last night was when this dream happened. I dreamt that Michaela was born as a still birth and as I was laying there holding her I was weeping just uncontrollably. This morning when I woke up I was hysterical. I was completely terrified that my baby had died during the night. As I sat there weeping and hysterically gasping for breath, I was pleading with God to feel her kick, just for some assurance that she was still alive. For a few moments I sat there clutching my ever protruding stomach begging to feel movement. When I finally did it was a phenomenal sense of relief. And I must take a moment to note how amazing Alex was in regards to all of this. As he sat there--already running late for work--just holding me and consoling me as a means of reassurance that it was just a dream and our baby was fine and healthy. I just must thank God for his answers to prayer and for the sacrificial love of a husband.
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