McFatFatFatFatFatty Monday

So, it's Monday again, and since I've decided to do these McFatty posts she looks at me like the popular girl in high school, just daring me to even think about coming close to her, and so as I draw nearer to Monday, just like the 5'7 size 2 blond with DD's in the lunch room, my self-esteem plummets. So, here comes the honesty...I've let you down.

I know my last post was all puppies and rainbows and motivational speaking about keeping the calories low and the weight loss high over the Thanksgiving weekend, but I've let you down. Here is the long and short of it. I'm a closet eater. I always have been, which is why no one could ever understand why I was so overweight when it didn't look like I ate that much. It's because I've always been embarrassed to eat in front of other people, no matter how much or how little I was eating. It's a shame thing. Just like any addiction, it isn't something you flaunt. So, I'd never sit down in a room full of people and eat a whole large pepperoni pizza for myself, that's not to say that I didn't do it, I just didn't let anyone see me do it. Now, that's not where I fell apart this weekend, but I did fall apart. Thanksgiving was the easy part. Everyone was watching. I did just as I planned. I made my healthy side dishes and ate only a small amount of turkey breast with the healthy sides, and some raw veggies. I had a few single bites of sides that Alex had served himself, but that I wasn't willing to risk the calories of overindulging by putting them on my plate. Then we went to my mom's house. Keep in mind that this was the 2nd stop for all of my siblings, and we're talking about only a total of 10 guests (including my 2 children), and this is what we walked into.

This was the buffet of side dishesMiscellaneous Munchies, and piesand 1/4 of the meat from the 20+ pound turkey that was made

I can't blame her for the excess. Her whole life has been spend in the food industry. She loves to entertain, and it's what she does--she's also Italian. So, I tried to do well. I had a few more bites here and there, but still feel like I held it together pretty well. I think it all fell apart somewhere around 2 o'clock Friday morning. Amidst our black Friday shopping we made a gas station run for some much needed caffeine, and I broke one of my cardinal rules. I could have easily opted for a black coffee, I drink black coffee all the time, and rather enjoy it, but instead, I decided to go with a cappuccino, and started off my day by drinking my calories. A full 24oz cup of calories and I repeated this offense 3 more times that day. The day was such a whirl, I didn't eat much after our very early breakfast at Ihop, where I chose the healthiest option on the menu, until that night and then it all fell apart. I binged on every unhealthy snack food that I had in my house, and there was a fair amount, with left overs and sweet treats that my mom bought for Alex and the girls, and then I went straight to bed, and this set the trend for the rest of the weekend. Out of fatigue from being up all night on Thursday and shopping all day on Friday, I was essentially useless on Saturday= more binging, and no workout. Sunday was the same story. I'm terrified to step on a scale, and so I haven't, but I can see and feel the gain in my mid-section.

I will weigh tomorrow. I will face the scale and face my failures. I will admit that I've fallen apart and will stop eating when no one is watching, but I will also complete the 5 Day Inferno this week. I am on track to burn off as many calories as humanly possible and only fuel my body with clean food. I will be back down to my successful loss of last week by Saturday when I see all of the extended family for our first of several Christmas celebrations...and I will hold it together there too.