The Newest Sander...

As it says in my blog synopsis, this blog originally started as a means to document my pregnancies, so at some point I might be able to go back and read through the posts and remember all of the joys and qualms of maternity. Also, that I might read to my children all of the exciting changes as they were growing inside of me. Seeing as how Alex and I have made the very permanent decision to have no more children I was contemplating re-working the blog. Starting over, perhaps giving a fresh perspective to my blog and most importantly change my URL from the ever kitschy "the newest Sander" to something a little more literately intriguing, something that would more so encompass all of the ramblings that are sure to follow. And then the existential musings set in...What if I am the newest Sander?!

First, let me say, I believe that health in every area of your life starts with the physical. We were designed by a God who believes in connectedness, which is why we are called to be in community with other believers, BUT I think this is also true of our physical bodies!

1 Corinthians 12:24b But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it,25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

While I know that this goes on to explain the importance of every individuals role in the body of Christ, it also is very much literal too. I feel as though through the last 20 months my life has been in flux. I've been in a constant state of personal improvement. When I read things that I wrote, just shortly after Emily's birth, I must acknowledge that I was miserable! Everything was gloom and doom, I was depressed in the worst possible way. I hated myself, my life and the direction in which it seemed to constantly be heading, but now?! I can't remember the last time I've felt negative other than for a short time over situational circumstances. I feel again like my life has purpose, I have focus, determination and a positive attitude. This is not a means to be vain or conceded, I'm not trying to brag, but rather report how EVERYTHING in my life has changed.

21 months ago, I was miserable. I didn't have the joy that a new mom should have. At about 19 months ago was the breaking point that started the transformation! You see, my mother-in-law is a wonderful caring and compassionate individual who is largely responsible for me retaining my sanity in the months immediately following the birth of Emily. My opinions and ability to write and actually believe that last sentence is, in and of itself, evidence of vast transformation, but I digress... MIL had a regular habit of insisting that I take some time to leave the house, ALONE and have a time to consider myself human, to get away from the diapers and bottles and crying and potty training of Michaela and just be Michelle. Well, on this particular self-affirming extravaganza I decided that it was time to find some clothing to fit me besides maternity tops and sweat pants, so I set off clothing shopping. After wandering around 2 malls blindly, I finally found myself in Lane Bryant, reaching for the size I thought I should be, only to be met with pants that wouldn't button and tops clinging to every insecurity plastered across my mid-section. After about 20 minutes in the store and leaving every sales associate in tears and myself a hysterical mess, I left empty handed and self-esteem at rock bottom...I HAD to make a change...and so the journey began...

It started with walking...forcing myself to keep the commitment of walking 3 miles 3 times a week, the only time I left my sweatpants and the social protection of the 4 walls of my home. I soon changed my diet, and my body started to change and I wanted more activity, I wanted better food, I wanted to BE BETTER! I needed more than just walking, I started Turbo Jam and my life changed! I started to feel better, and I began to allow myself to look critically at who I was.

Over time I started to think about my emotional health...even without conscious effort, it was improving. I looked at the health of my marriage... it wasn't in distress but I wanted it to be better, I wanted to be a better wife. I looked at my spiritual health and I wanted to make it better. I was reading to improve my spiritual health I did one of the most transformational studies of my life "Beauty by the Book" and I knew my spiritual health was improving. It was all interconnected! The point is, I am in the best health of my life, in every facet! I'm not the same as I was, I am a "New Sander!" BUT it is still a journey. I refuse to be content with where I am. I refuse to settle for being "good enough" or assuming that I've done enough, grown enough, learned enough or even worked out enough, and so the URL stands...Journey for the Newest Sander for I strive to continue to become a newer and better version of who I am and take my whole family along for the ride. Stay tuned, it's bound to be slightly turmultous, but full of great stories, laughs, memories and BIG achievements!